Fighting For You
by SilentWriter17
Summary: Shelby had left to help her Sister for just week. Her kids would be safe at home with her husband, or so she thought. After searching for them for two years, and a year of trials, she is now allowed to prove she capable of taking care and helping them get over their trauma. She swears that she will show them, things were never meant to end up this way, and she loves them. So much.
1. Chapter One

I was shocked when I saw her. She was no longer the vibrant eight-year-old that I knew. She was frail, pale and her eyes had no spark. I walked over to her making sure to make my presence known. Her eyes seemed to gloss over like she was trying distance herself from the moment. I quickly glanced at the social worker who gave me a nod. I smile at Santana, then crouch down to get on her level.

"San, do you recognize me?" The social worker had told me that at first, she didn't seem to know me, not to be offended. I had changed so much in little ways since I last saw her. There have been always dark circles under my eyes, and they were red and irritated. My hair had grown longer and my face seemed like it had aged too much.

"You are my Mom." She replied, her voice hard causing me to wince

"Yeah, I'm your Mom," I responded. She looks up at me and takes a step back.

"Are you going to hurt me?" Her words were soft, but they packed a punch. I could feel my heart break as I shook my head.

"I would never hurt you." I whispered. She scanned my face over and over until she took a step forward.

"Are you Puck, Blaine and Rachel's mommy?" She questioned slowly. It was like she was double checking. Trying to make me prove I was their Mom.

"Yes," I responded.

"What age are we?" She gave me a sharp look. It was like she was expecting me to fail.

"You're ten, Noah is 11, and Rachel and Blaine, who are twins are 6." I answered. Although I couldn't help but feel hurt, I understood why she was grilling me. She glances over at the social worker who gives her a small smile, almost like telling her she was safe. She took another step forward. This time she wrapped her tiny arms around me.

"Mom, I want to see them. Can I?" San questioned me and as much as I wanted to say yes, I didn't have much of a choice.

"I don't have a choice in that San." I responded. As much as I wanted to give her them. Let them hug and celebrate their freedom. I couldn't. It was up to their social workers.

"Okay." San backed out of the hug, with her eyes gazed down to the floor.

"San, please look at me." I demanded, making sure to keep my voice soft. She slowly moved her head up to make eye contact with me.

"Do you want to play a game?" I asked and her eyes widen.

"A board game." She asked, her eyes swiftly glancing at the pile of board games on a shelf in the office. I looked at the clock. We had around 1 hour and 45 minutes left. We could play a board game in that time.

"Which one would you like to play?" I answered.

"My favorite is Candyland." She responded. I grabbed Candyland off the shelf and with San's help we quickly set up. The game. We were about halfway through the game when she started to open up a bit.

"Blaine used to try to eat the cards, and sometimes even the little pieces. Whenever one of us was gone we'd play until they came back. So, when Blaine wasn't taken away, we had to make sure he didn't eat any of it." Santana explained. She said it like it was so casual.

"What did she mean by taken away?" I wondered, but I decided to ask a simple question. I wasn't going to push her too far.

"Why did Blaine try to eat them?" I asked and she looked around the room.

"He always really hungry," San stated. It took me a minute to recover.

"So, is purple your favorite color?" I wondered as I made a gesture to her small purple Candyland piece. She nodded as she rolled the dice again. I asked her a few more trivia questions like what her favorite book was and her favorite non board game. In conclusion, her favorite book is unknown, she hadn't read a real book in a while. Her favorite non board game is hide and seek. Sooner than I wanted the meeting was over. I managed to get a hug from her before I left, and I made sure to remind her that I love her. Next, I was off to Noah's meeting. I could already feel myself getting tired and I was only in one meeting of four.

"Keep it together, you can just grab a coffee on the way to the home. You haven't seen them, any of them in two years. Tiredness is something you can cope with. I made it to the group home and walked inside. After being checked for any weapons, I was let into a room with Noah. Who looked nothing liked I remembered. His dark brown eyes were hard and cold, his arms were crossed and his hair was cut into a mohawk.

"Noah, do you remember me?" I asked as I sat down at the table across from him.

"Of course I do." He replied. I gave him a smile that would hopefully alleviate some of the tension.

"You left us with him. Blaine and Rachel barely remember you, San and I do. She always believed that you didn't mean to, but I watched you leave." His words punched me harder than any punch would and he cut me off before I could try to speak.

"I know you are trying to get custody of us, and I want that. I want to be with my siblings again, but you will never be my mom again." I took a deep breath.

"I trusted that man with my life and with my kids. He had never hurt me or you guys before. I left you temporarily to help care for my dying sister. If I could change that I would. You guys would be on that plane with me. I've been searching for two years. I never gave up." I explained. His glare became harder. Then, he shot up from his chair and went to actually punch me. I felt scared at first. But I saw the tears in his eyes as he backed away. He walked back to his seat.

"I don't think I can handle any more of you today." He stated.

"I'm not leaving you, not until I have to. Then, I'll come back." I declared. We sat there in silence until it was time to go. He stood up and looked at me one last time.

"I got by Puck." He explained as he walked out of the room. I could feel the hot tears burning the back to my eyes, and I waited until I knew he was far enough away not to hear me. The tears slipped over.

"I tried so hard Noah. I know you're hurt, but I promise I won't leave you again." I wept like a small child until I couldn't get anymore to run down my cheeks. I got up from the seat and wiped my eyes.

"You can do this Shelby. Only two more to go." It took a little more coaxing to get myself more confident to go into Blaine's appointment.

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	2. Chapter Two

I fiddled with my hand as I waited for Blaine, and his social worker to come. It took around ten minutes for them to appear. Blaine's eyes were puffy and red. My first instinct was to run to him, and wrap my arms around him. The last time I saw him, he was so tiny, but now he was thinner than I could have ever imagined.

"Hi, Blaine. I'm your Mom." I announced as he got around three feet away from me.

"Mom is gone."

"No, Blaine. I'm not gone. I'm here to get you back."

"Mom is gone!"

"What do you mean, I'm gone?"

"Daddy said you left us. Left us years ago."

"No, I never meant to leave for that long. I promise."

"Liar." I took a deep breath. I wasn't going to change his mind, not yet at least.

"Tana told me that you liked CandyLand. Do you want to play that?"

"No!"

"Okay, then what do you want to do?"

"I want Rachie!"

"Right now, you have to be apart. But, I brought a book I could read to you."

"Can have Tana?"

"No, Blaine. Right now you can't see any Rachie, Tana or Noah."

"I want them!" He started stomping his feet, tears were flying out of his eyes and snarl like sounds came out of this throat.

"Blaine, once you've calmed down, I'll be willing to talk you you. But, I still love you." I reminded him as I got the book out of my bag. I started reading out loud until he slowly started to calm down. Then, he walked over to me to see the book.

"I know you want to see your siblings, and I'm working on it. Throwing a fit isn't going to help."

"But I want them now."

"I know you do. But, it isn't going to happen right now. Do you understand."

"Yes."

"Alright, would you like me to read this to you now?"

"Read to me?"

"I read the words of the pages of the books."

"Is it fun?"

"Yes."

"Okay!" Blaine made sure to be around four feet away from me, but I made no comment. I read to him, once I was done with the book, his smile went into a frown.

"That's it?"

"Yeah, but next time, I can bring more than one. How does that sound?"

"I like it!" I took a deep breath. Maybe I could do some gentle prodding to get some information. But, would that cause something? Would he freak? Would I lose the little bit of relationship we gained? It was worth a shot though.

"So, was this your first time seeing a book?"

"Daddy once threw a book at me."

"Did Tana or Noah read it to you?"

"No. They were worried about making noise." He seemed to be another world. His eyes went from bright to dull in a moment. I knew I shouldn't have pushed it.

"Blaine, sweetheart. Are you okay?" I asked. His went flat, his posture went rigid, and he bowed his head.

"Yes ma'am."

"Blaine, you don't have to call me that."

"Sorry." I gently brought my hand to his chin. He flinched, and barely managed to hold back my own flinch, and tears. I gently brought his head up to face me.

"Blaine, what's wrong." I dropped my hand back to my side.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He rapidly repeated himself over and over.

"No, it's fine. Just tell me what's wrong."

"Bad boy."

"No, you're not a bad boy."

"Bad boy." He repeated over and over until I hugged him. He nearly jumped out of his skin, and his posture never went back to a relaxed stance.

"It's okay. You're not bad. It's okay." I whispered.

"Bad. Bad. Bad." For us much as I tried he wouldn't calm down for minutes. Until, I finally let go of him. I had screwed up. I had to do something.

"Blaine, look around. No one's mad at you. I promise. You're safe." He seemed to calm down a bit, but he wasn't fully relaxed. I sighed. It was almost time for Rachel's meeting.

"Blaine, I have to leave soon, but I want you to know I love you. I love you and I will come see you again.

"I'll call you soon Shelby. I'll call about a second meeting." The social worker stated and I nodded. She motioned for Blaine to follow her and he did. Without even looking at me. I watched until they turned the corner.

 _'One more meeting. You can do this. Just don't screw up this time."_ I shook my head, I could self-pity later. I had to go to Rachel's meeting. I got up for my spot on the floor, and walked over to a different section of the building. With all then being siblings, I just assumed that they'd all have the same social worker, but no. They didn't. Once I made it to the final meeting place of the day, I waited. I waited until the social worker appeared with Rachel. I stood up and walked over to them.

"Hello Rachel, I'm your Mom." Her gaze stayed firmly on the ground. She didn't make a sound. I got a little closer, nothing. Didn't even blink. I had learned last time, touching might not be a great idea. No matter how much I wanted to.

"Well, it's nice to see you. I just got to see Blaine, Noah, and Tana. So, I'm so excited to get to see you too."

"Could you look at me?"

"She hasn't spoken a word without one of her siblings here." The social worker informed me, as Rachel's eyes met mine. Her brown eyes went wide with what looked like a mix of confusion and terror. The three of us just stood there without a word for what felt painfully long.

"Rachel, honey, do you want to ask me anything?" This time I wasn't going to push. I learned my lesson the last time I pushed.

"We could play a game, or I could read you a book. How does that sound?" Maybe if I tried the same thing I did with Blaine. It might work. I grabbed the book out of my purse, and started to read. When, I had almost made it to half way the book. Rachel moved. Closer to the wall, but further away from me.

 _'Deep breaths. Just keep reading. Be patient."_

I decided to go a little slower with my reading. But, sooner than I liked I was already out of pages. Okay, next try.

"Santana told me that you guys played CandyLand a lot. Is that true? When I was younger, my siblings and I played a lot of board games."

"I like making animals more."

"What did you make the animals out of?"

"The CandyLand stuff. Noah doesn't like it. Says I ruin the game for them."

"I doubt you ruined the game for them. What was your favorite animal to make?"

"I don't know." I didn't know what to say to that, and she seemed to clam up. I was just happy to get some conversation.

"Rachel, it's time to go." I don't know whether I wanted to throw a rock at the social worker or thank her. I was so tired, and the tears that had been barely staying in my eyes were about to leak out all over my cheeks.

' _Maybe, I'll just call Mom tomorrow."_

 **Oh my gosh! When I posted this I had no idea that you guys would be so nice! Thank you to beaner008, Andi, and the two guests for reviewing. Thank you to beaner008, Doodle19, Demi1991xxx, Liveforsummer, Bordersmgr, Sarah11650, ChellyJelly, and slfrench74.**


	3. Chapter Three

"Shelby? You awake?" Miranada voice echoed through the house, waking me from my beautiful slumber.

"Now I am." I muttered as I forced myself out of my bed. I quickly ran a brush through my hair, then walked out of the bedroom sighing.

"As much as I love seeing you here, what are you doing here?"

"Amanda and Mom are busy today, so I though that I could come and help you out. I figured that today you might want some company."

"You guys don't have to worry about me. I'm handling things alright."

"Liar. Your usual sparkling clean house is in shambles. There are literally stacks of papers everywhere. We all love you; let us help you."

"Okay, so maybe things are a bit crazy, but that doesn't mean you need to worry." I made it to the kitchen, and Miranada turned around to face me.

"Your eyes are puffy from crying last night, and you forgot to call Mom. Sit down, get something to eat as you tell me what happened."

"You don't have to treat me like a little kid."

"Just let me do it for today. I want to help."

"Fine." I muttered.

' _I just want to be left alone to cry.'_

"Santana is so scared. She was so spunky, fearless, and brave, now you could barely recognize that it was her. Noah hates me. He thinks that I just left them. Like I would have left if I knew what would happen. Blaine doesn't think I exist. I barely managed to calm him down, when I tried to ask him a few questions to get information, he broke down. Rachel refused to speak with me for the most it. I have to go back later to talk to the social workers. Let me have a joint meeting with them. The one thing each of them asked for was to see the others. Expect Noah. He was really angry."

"Shelbs, none of them are going to be same. Not after what happened."

"I know, but a part of me was hoping that everything would be normal. "

"I think that we all did to a certain extent. But, now that you've seen them, you can snap out it, and realize you need them to help them through this. Prove to them that you love and care about them to much to let them go again."

"I know."

"But, remember you have to take care of yourself. You won't be able to help anyone if you're a mess, and unable to control your emotions."

"Thank you. I think that's what I needed to hear."

"Of course, I'm the big sister for a reason."

"Whatever." I responded as she tossed me a wash cloth. We started with the dishes, and then moved on to the piles of papers.

"What are these papers for, Shelbs."

"Well, some of them are for how to handle kids with PTSD. I know that they haven't been called that, but I wanted to keep as prepared as I could. Some are about custody laws and just paper work."

"Do you have folders all the different papers?"

"No, I just put them in stacks."

"Alright." We started putting some papers in the stacks. After doing that Miranda ended up making lunch, since in the end, I ended up not eating breakfast.

"Thank you so much, Miranada." I stated as she grabbed her stuff to leave.

"No problem. I'm just glad I was able to help." She gave me a hug, then rushed out the door. I was thankful, of course, for her help. But, I was most thankful for her coming over and just listening. As much as I didn't want to burden any of my family, it helped to get it out of my system. With enough time to speed my way over to the Child Protective Servies. So, I quickly got ready, then rushed way my way over.

"Hi, I was wondering if I could do a joint meeting with all of my kids. All four of them were begging to let them see each other."

"I was actually just in a meeting with the other three social workers to discuss letting them see each other. We just wanted them to get used to everything before setting up a meeting. I don't think at the moment it would be wise to do a joint meeting. It is very hard to handle all four of them at once. The older two end up getting very protective, and the younger ones think they are in danger, more so than usual. That's why we separated them. Maybe after the third meeting. When you've gained some trust with them. Which is very important."

"But, if I was able to show that I was trustworthy with all them there. Could that work?"

"I'm not sure. Do you want to try that and risk the progress you've made?"

"No."

"I know that it's hard to wait, but I'm telling you its worth it."

"Is that why you gave them each a different social worker?"

"Yes."

"Alright, thank you for your time." I walked out of the building and let my rage out.

' _I can handle my kids all at the same time! They are my kids.'_ I drove my way home fuming, but once I thought about it I understood.

 **So, it's a short chapter because I have a huge chapter planned for next time. Or big, at least for me. Thank you to** **Rudy00,** **sam139nyc, Mob85, oapdemon34 for following/favoriting.** **Thank you to Andi, guest and Spawn for reviewing.**


	4. Chapter Four

"Puck, would you like to tell me why you think that I just left you guys there?"

"No. You don't deserve to know." His eyes were focused on a glare, arms were crossed and his shoes were on the table.

"Maybe. But, what if I'm innocent. What if I looked for you the entire time. Wouldn't you like to know the other side of the coin?"

"Even if you looked for us the entire time you failed. You couldn't find us. You didn't stop him from doing anything. So, what does it matter? What does your side of the story mean."

"It could mean link pieces of the puzzle together."

"I don't want to hear it."

"Well, we have an hour to kill. What would like to do?"

"Nothing."

"I'll pick then. Could you tell me why you are less mad today? You haven't yelled yet."

"Why should I tell you?"

"Because I care about you."

"Bullshit. If you cared about me, you would have found us."

"Do you know where you were, when the cops found you?"

"A basement. Aren't you paying attention, when the cops talk to you? Or did you still not care then?" That one hit me straight in the heart, but I refused to show emotion. He didn't need to see that his words hit me.

"Of course I was. You were in a basement, in a cottage in the middle of the woods, in Ohio. Do you know what state before your father took you."

"New York."

"So all the time that the police and I spent searching for you. We had no idea that you and your siblings were in a different state. So, no matter how hard I searched. I wouldn't have found you in that state."

"But, you could have looked all over the country for us. You didn't even try."

"I hired a private investigator. Because I couldn't leave my job that paid for all my searching. I looked everywhere for you guys. Because I've always cared about you."

"That doesn't change that you never found us."

"I've found you now, and I've moved out here. Now, would you like to talk about why you are being civil today?"

"You made my siblings happy."

'You did Shelby. You've broken through a wall. You got an answer.' Another deep breath to keep the mix of joy and sadness from bubbling to the surface.

"So, you've been able to see them."

"Yes."

"How was it?"

"Why?"

"Because I care about you. Even though I was able to be with you for two years, I always had you all in my heart and my mind. I want to know how you feel about things. So I get to re-get to know you. Because I remember little Noah. Now, you get to show Puck."

"What if I don't want to show you, Puck. What if I don't care about you?" His eyes seem to go narrower, and his posture went when more stiff.

'Brush it off!'

"Then, I'll wait until you want to show me, Puck. It doesn't matter whether you care about you because I will always care about you."

"What if I never want to."

"It's up to you. Though I prefer that you would."

"Okay."

"That's fine. So how was seeing your siblings for the first time in a while? It's clear that you love them based on what you said during the last meeting. That even if you didn't like me that you would be willing to go home with me because you would be able to be with your siblings."

"It was fine." By the tone of his voice, it was clear he was done with the conversation. I didn't mind, I was celebrating that I was finally able to break through a wall. I was able to make progress. The phone home tonight, wouldn't be just tears. So, I just sat there until he started to get fidgety. Drumming his fingers on the table to the beat of some sort of song. That's when I knew I had the chance to start another conversation.

"What song is that?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Can't I be curious?"

"Sure."

"Fair enough. But, are you?"

"I Love Rock and Roll, by Joan Jet."

'Yes! You won."

"That's a good song. What other songs do you like?"

"I don't remember a lot of songs. One of the only ones that I really remember. Haven't listened to a lot of music for a long time."

'Fucking bastard, wouldn't even let them listen to music. If I could.' I stop my thoughts there. I wasn't going to let myself show any emotion other than love, or compassion. I didn't want to give him a reason to get scared or nervous.

"What do you do during your free time?"

"I dunno." He was clamming up again. That was fine. Just like earlier, I was happy to at least be talking to him without yelling. I was already making a plan. When they came home, each of them would have something in their room, just for them. Puck's would be a CD player with a ton of CD or maybe it would be an MP player. I would make sure that every Jone Jets song would be there. That's when the silence filled the room again. I waited until Noah's social worker was in the room.

"I'll see you later, Noah. I love you." He says nothing, but I made sure to smile. He walked out of the room. I wanted to dance a bit and call Mom to have her celebrate with me. But, the next meeting was in an hour. Enough time to drive there. I can call Mom later.

'Don't count your eggs before they hatch.' The thought was staggering. Causing a feeling of dread to crawl up my skin, and make it home there.

'Stop it, make sure that you stay positive. You can do this.' I slapped myself lightly. Then, stood up and walked to the car. Next was Blaine's meeting. I made it to the next meeting spot with five minutes to spare. So, I spent my time knitting. Which was an odd habit I picked up once I moved here. Again, my sister pushed me out of the house and brought me along to a knitting class. It was odd, but it helped me keep my thoughts from constantly invading my mind. I was able to get a row done by the time I saw Blaine and his social worker rounding the corner. Blaine seemed to be guarded. His eyes darting around the room and his posture seemed tense. This was the point where I wanted to sigh. But, this is what I wanted. To be a Mom as much as I can. Even if that means dealing with breaking down walls. I would do it all in a flash for them to be back in my life. Blaine noticed me, and his eyes went wide a bit, and I smiled.

"Hi Blaine, how are you doing?"

"Doing well. Thank you."

"So, what would you like to do? I brought a couple of books, some coloring books, and some board games."

"Books, please." I went into the large backpack, saw him a flinch, but I pulled the books anyways. Although it made me curious.

'That stupid evil son of a female dog.' I let that thought go all the way through. I couldn't help it. He had hurt all of them so much.

"Which book would you like?" I asked as I put the books onto the chairs next to me. He looked at each of the books, his eyes lingered at one, then he looked back at me. I gave him a nod, indicating that he could pick that one. He ended up picking one of my favorite books from when I was younger. "Button Soup." I got down on the ground in front of my chair and started reading. Making sure to show him the pictures as I read. At the end of the book, Blaine's eyes were wide and sparking.

"Did you like it?"

"Yes." Unforently he didn't seem like talking about his joy.

"What was your favorite part?"

"Dinner."

"I think that mine was him in the cellar with all the meat."

"Cool, too." His posture was less stiff, and his eyes, though still darting were no longer darting across the room at rapid speeds.

"Would you like to do something else, or would you like me to keep reading to you?" I waited a few minutes for him to respond, but he said nothing.

"Blaine, would you like to pick another book." He blinked, then looked over at me.

"Yes, please." He went over to the books, and I looked at where he was staring off into space at. There was no one there. Odd. When I went back to look at Blaine he was holding a book to my face, and I smiled.

"You want this one?"

"Yes, please." So, I read that one as well. But, this time I kept an eye on him. I wanted to figure out when had caused him to drift off into space. Once I was done, he was already up and looking at the other books. I was in heaven. He looked so happy, and blissful. Although he was still a tad bit tense, it was nice to see him with his guard down. He handed me the book, and I started reading again. I finished the book. He was already up and looking at the other books.

"What did you see over there?"

"Just a person."

"Okay." He grabbed the next book and I read it again. We did that until the rest of the books were gone, and to be honest, I was tired of reading. Although I would have read them all again for him.

"We're out of books. So, which one was your favorite? Mine was Button Soup."

"Mine was the horse." I didn't know what to say, and he faded into his own thoughts. We stayed like that for a while, when I decided two or three questions couldn't hurt if I was careful.

"So, what board games do you like?"

"Candy Land."

"Why?"

"Only one I know."

"Well, I brought a couple if you'd like to play." He looked up at me, his shoulders shaking just a tiny bit, but not a word came out his mouth.

"I have Shoots and Ladders, Guess Who and Candy Land."

"No, thank you." He was tense again. His eyes darting everywhere, but it seemed to be more of fear than caution.

"Are you sure you just saw a person?"

"I'm sure." His words came out of his mouth almost too quickly, but in fear of making him scared again, I didn't push it wasn't worth. So I thought. We stayed quiet until the social worker came to pick him.

"Bye, Blaine. See you later. I love you." He walked away without a word. Just like Noah did. I got up from my spot on the floor and packed up all the books. Once they were all back into my bag, I walked over to the next spot. Where I was meeting Santana.

'I wonder what Blaine saw. As soon as I stopped distracting him with those books, he was even more on edge than beforehand. Did I do something?' After what was only a few minutes that seemed to drag on for forever, Santana was sitting at the table across from me.

"Hey Santana, how are you doing?"

"I'm doing well, thank you." Her voice was quieter than less time. Odd.

"That's good. Today I brought a couple of board games we could play, a coloring book or two, and some books that I will admit were more meant for Blaine, but you could read them too of course."

"How is he?"

"He seems scared, just like you, but he seemed to love reading. At one point I think he saw something that scared him. Did you see that too?"

"No, ma'am."

"You can call me Mom, and are you sure. You seem on edge."

"Of course I'm on edge. Our Father could be looking for us at any minute!" I wanted to recoil. But, I couldn't. Before I could even blink, she was panicking. Rocking back forth in her chair. Muttering, I'm sorry rapidly like her life depended on. I got up from the chair and walked over to her. Making sure that she could see me, I slowly got closer until I was close enough to touch her, and just like I did with Blaine I wrapped her in a hug.

"You shouldn't be sorry for raising your voice. Although snapping at me wasn't all right, there is no need to apologize. You're okay. You're safe and I'm not going to hurt you." She wouldn't stop rocking as I kept my arms tightly wrapped around her. Making sure not to hurt her, of course. I noticed that her knuckles had scars littered all over them, and her hands were as well. Forcing my mind off that and focusing.

"Santana, tell me five things you can see and breathe. In an out." I told her firmly. She took a few minutes to focus on her breathing. And I reminded her, in and out every once and while, in an attempt to help.

"Backpack, celling, chairs, picture, and you."

"Five things that you can touch."

"You, floor, chair, table and the bookshelf." Her rocking was slowing down. Perfect.

"Five things you could taste."

"Apples, oranges, salt, bread, and corn." Just a little bit more.

"Five things you could smell."

"Perfume, Cologne, pies, cakes, and cookies." I let go of her and she was stopped rocking, and her breathing was still a little uneven.

"Would you be willing to tell me why you panicked like that?"

"Father got very mad at us for getting angry." I was not sending my child into another panic attack after just getting out of one.

"Your father is far away, he won't be able to hurt you again. Now, what do you want to do?"

"Could I color?"

"Of course." I watched her as I pulled the markers and the coloring books out my bag, she flinched as well. She picked a picture from the book and started coloring. I grabbed the second book and picked a page. Which was some sort of flowery pattern? Honestly, we didn't talk, well, we colored. These meetings were about building trust. I was worried that if I pushed too much that it would ruin the trust that was building up. When, they got home, and a little more comfortable I could push a little more. Once I finished my coloring page, I ripped it out, and I wrote a message.

'I love you so much. Stay strong.' I hoped that maybe it provides some comfort. Or something. Half of me didn't care if she ripped it up, just her seeing it was good enough for me. I looked at the clock, we had ten minutes left.

"What are you coloring?"

"A seahorse."

"Could I see when you're done."

"Yeah."

"Puck was telling me about how he hadn't been able to listen to music at your Father's. Have you heard anything good, since you left."

"No. I hear a few things on the radio, but nothing that I really like."

"What type of music do you think you like?"

"I have no idea."

'Stupid question idiot.' I watched as she put the cap on her marker, and tidy up. She slid the open coloring book towards me. I smiled.

"It's beautiful."

"Thank you. Can I see yours?"

"You can keep it."

"Yours is pretty too, and thank you."

"Thank you." Santana's social worker walked in with a smile.

"The meeting is over Santana." Santana stood up, and I did too.

"Bye Santana, I love you."

"Goodbye." Santana waved, then walked out the door behind the social worker. I packed up my stuff, then sat back down. I put my face into my face, barely kept in my sobs.

 _'If I could turn back time. No Shelby, you couldn't control what happened. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault but his. Nobodies. All you can do is pick up the pieces and clean up the mess he left. At least she showed some sort of emotion. You're breaking through, Shelby. You can do this.'_ I stood up from my spot and walked my way over to the next meeting place. Just Rachel's left.

 **So, that was my monster chapter. Which wasn't that big, it felt pretty big. Eight pages to be exact, which is double the usual. I'll be on vacation for the next two weeks, so I think I'll end up just making a bonus chapter, so I get something out. Anyways, thank you to Sarah11650, Spawn and Guest for reviewing. Thank you to Lusia and bproofmgmt for following.**


	5. Chapter Five

She was smiling, and my heart lit up and leaped out of my chest. It was the first time in years I had seen her smiled. I felt the hot sting of tears welling up in my eyes, and wiped them away. Her long brown hair was braided, and she had a skip in her step. It was almost like someone told her that she was going to be the star of a show. She looked at me, and her smile didn't falter. That almost got me to burst into tears. As she got closer the smile faded, but you could still see the joy dancing in her eyes. I could have watched that for hours, and never gotten bored. One of my babies was happy. So happy that it seemed to radiate off her. Once she got over to me, I smiled at her.

"Hey, Rachel, what has you so happy?"

"I got to see Tana, Blaine, and Puck." I made sure to make a mental note that Rachel called him by Puck. That this wasn't a new development. She was used to calling him that.

"That must have been fun, what did you do with them?"

"Blaine and I played a couple games together well Tana and Puck talked. Tana told us a story, and we hugged."

"Who did your hair?"

"Some of the girls taught him."

"Well, it seems like a lot of fun."

"Will I be able to see them soon?" Rachel asked. I wanted to sigh, but I was nervous that would make her nervous.

"I don't know. That's not up to me." Rachel 's face dropped, and joy in her eyes seemed to disappear.

"I'm sure that you'll be able to see them again soon though." I attempted to make myself sound as positive as I soon, without sounding fake.

"Yeah, I hope." Her eyes were no longer on me. They were darting back and forth across the room. Almost like prey expecting a predator to come out of nowhere and sink their teeth into it. Her fists curled, and her shoulders became rigid.

"Rachel? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Her voice was sharp like a razor blade.

"Something is clearly wrong, sweetheart. You sound nervous."

"Sorry, ma'am." That felt like a bullet that hit me straight in the heart. She got me good today. What made her mood change so quickly?

"You don't have to call me Ma'am or Miss or anything like that."

"Okay." She lingered a moment like she was going to say, Ma'am, again and I felt relief wash through me when she didn't. Ma'am was something you called my Mom. Not me. I'm not that old yet.

"So, tell me the truth, what has you worked up all of a sudden?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me." That caused her eyes to widen. I could have slapped myself right there and then. She was freaked out now. How did this go awry, so quickly?

"I'm sorry." She went on saying that over and over. Just like Blaine. She took a step back and went straight to the ground. She curled up, and the social worker gave me a look asking if I could handle it. I gave the social worker a nod and refocused my attention back to Rachel.

"Sweetie, I'm not going to hurt you," I stated. I could hear her attempted to keep her sniffling quiet.

'You fucked up, Shelby. You fucked up.' I shook my head as if it would get the thought to go away. Like I could shake the thought out of my ear and onto the ground.

"Rachel, I'm not going to hurt you. I won't even get close to you. But I need you to look at me so you can see that I'm not going to hurt you." Although she didn't stop muttering apologies she looked up at me. Her eyes that were dancing with joy a few minutes ago were filled with tears and were bright red around the rims.

"See, I'm not even close to you. I'm not going to hurt you. Although it was wrong of you to lie to me, when I was just trying to help doesn't mean that I'm going to hurt you. So, you can uncurl, now." She looked at me, her eyes shining with nervousness, but she uncurled and sat up. Her tiny noodle arms were still wrapped her around her knees, but it was a step in the right direction.

"I'm going to take a step closer to you okay, sweetheart?" She nodded, and I took a step closer to her. I could see the urge to take flight away written all over her face.

"Do you want to get up so we could do something together. I brought coloring books, board games, and a couple of books."

"What are coloring books?"

"They are books filled with designs that you can color in."

"I'd like to try that. If that's okay."

"Of course it is. Why don't you come sit with me at the table? We can color there. It might be harder to do that on the floor." Rachel seemed to blush as she came to her feet, and took a spot at the table.

I grabbed my backpack and dumped the coloring stuff on the table. Rachel grabbed a book and looked at each page. She did that with the other two coloring books. Then she decided on the one she liked. It was the one right next to Santana's. It was a lion. I grabbed one of the other coloring books, and just picked a random one. We didn't speak for the rest of the time. Just colored until it was time for her to go.

"Bye Rachel. I love you." She waved but didn't say a word.

 **I feel horrible. I hadn't realized that it had been so long since I updated. I'm not sure that I like this chapter, but what can you do. I felt you guys hanging for too long. Thank you to Guest, Guest, Spawn, and bproofmgt for reviewing. Thank you to MaileS, alexisjem, MaryVBP, and Stephanie Disney Lover for following**

 **Spawn: Thank you so much for the criticism. I attempted to edit the last chapter to make it easier to read. With your words in mind I attempted to make this chapter better. I needed to hear that. And thank you for your support.**


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